Celebration, Not a Party

There have been a few reasons I haven't blogged in a while, if you've noticed.  The easiest reason is that I sat down one night and pre-scheduled a TON of Friday Photo Favorites and forgot to check when they would stop.  The more complicated factor is that I was discouraged-discouraged by my lack of motivation in mothering, taking care of myself, and in our family. Most importantly, the setbacks we were seeing in our family growing.  After losing Sophia last year I continued to see my doctor and look for ways to help our fertility, naturally.  In the Fall I found out I would need to have a minor procedure done, but was told we would need to wait 4 months before trying again; that meant that we wouldn't be able to try until January 2013, which meant if we got pregnant right away Maher and his sibling would be 4 years apart.  I was discouraged.  When Ash and I had talked about spacing I knew I didn't want more than a 2 year gap, I wanted our kids to be close and best friends like I was with my siblings and how I see my nieces and nephews growing up.  A 4 year gap makes all that little harder since by the time the youngest is old enough to really "play" the older is 6 or 7 and not as interested.  This was my thought process.

 

Ash and I leave our family planning open to God's will; trusting in Him and His Divine plan for us.  The day before we left to go to Amarillo for Christmas I took a pregnancy test and I will admit I am addicted to them.  As it turned out God had a surprise for us. I had just one test and didn't think we were pregnant but I saw those two beautiful pink lines I had been waiting over a year to see again and I cried.  Tears of joy versus tears of fear.  The fear that we might lose another child overwhelmed me.  I was able to regain composure and go about our day.  I didn't tell Ash when he came home from work since he had a big meeting the next morning and I didn't want to distract him.  I called my Dr the next day and set an appointment to get a progesterone shot.  The next day when Ash came home after his meeting I told him.  The excitement we shared was much more subdued than when we found out about Maher. There was a hesitance in our joy since we knew the miracle of life could easily could slip away. It was relieving and reassuring to tell our families the following week of a new life that was now a part of theirs. We were going to wait until further along in the pregnancy to tell Maher, however he overheard me say, "I'm pregnant" and ran to me asking, "Mommy do you has a baby in your tummy now?" His eyes lit up with joy so I said, "Yes, there's a baby growing in me again"

 

We had an appointment at 6 weeks that was supposed to be a follow up for my procedure.  It was too soon to try and find a heart beat, so we scheduled an appointment for 10 weeks.  A week before our appointment I went to the bathroom and saw blood.  My heart sank and the fear that I had been holding onto looked as if it were becoming a reality.  I couldn't hold my emotions in and Maher kept asking me why I was sad.  I finally told him, "Maher, I am sad because I think we lost our baby.  I think our baby went to Heaven."  With a grin he giggled and said, "Mommy our baby isn't gone.  Our baby is still here."  I prayed his innocent soul knew the truth.  My Dr. squeezed us in and as we waited I told Ash how I wanted to handle things, he reassured me and said, "Let's just wait and see.''  When the Dr turned on the sonogram, I began frantically looking for the heart beat.  I didn't have to, our baby was bouncy around doing flips and turning over.  Almost as if to say, "Mommy, I AM still here!"  We left with joyful hearts and picked Maher up from Cedo and Maher asked if our baby was ok, we told him yes and he responded with, "I am so happy our baby is still here!"

 

We saw our baby and heard the heartbeat again at 12 weeks, letting our fears slip further out of our minds.  Last night we hit the beginning of the second trimester and we did something I didn't think of doing with Maher, nor would I have had much interest in doing this for his pregnancy. Last night we celebrated the new beginning and knowing that the "odds" of miscarriage are significantly lowered.  As Maher and I made a cake he asked, "Why are we making a cake, my friends aren't coming, it can't be a party".  I told him it wasn't a party but it was a celebration; we were celebrating our baby growing bigger and stronger.  As I put the finishing touches on our cake, Maher informed me he would make the decorations. We sat together and made some quick decorations and after dinner we celebrated and ate our cake.

 

As we share this pregnancy with our 3 year old, who will be 3 years and 10 months when his sibling arrives, I can't help but smile at God's plan.  I don't know his whole plan for us or even this pregnancy, but I know that sharing with Maher about our baby has brought me so much encouragement in knowing how much he already loves our baby.  He has helped take care of me in ways I didn't think he could comprehend and he makes sure to tell the baby goodnight before bed every night.

 

 

Decorating our cake

"Welcome 2nd TRI"  Trimester wouldn't fit

Our decorations

A happy big brother

Maher's photo of the cake after our celebration.



St. Gerard, pray for us!